Hello? It’s Me… Forgetting Everything I Was Going to Say
Aug 14
4 min read
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(Why your voice shakes, squeaks, or vanishes—and how to fix it)
Ever tried to leave a voicemail and suddenly felt like your throat closed up tighter than a jar of pickles?
You had every word planned out in your head. But the second you heard "Please leave a message after the tone..."—bam. Your voice started to shake. Or worse: nothing came out at all.
You’re not broken. You’re human. And this happens to more people than you think—SLPs included. Let’s break down why it happens and what you can do to keep your voice from bailing on you at the worst possible moment.
So... Why Does Your Voice Betray You?
According to the American Speech-Language-Hearing Association (ASHA) and other voice science experts, there are a few key things happening when nerves strike:
1. You Go Into Fight, Flight… or Freeze.
When nerves hit, your sympathetic nervous system (a.k.a. your body’s emergency mode) floods you with adrenaline. Heart races. Muscles tighten. And yes—your neck and larynx (voice box) join the tension party. Vocal folds stiffen and dry out, making your voice:
Quiver like you’ve had three espressos
Shoot up an octave (hello, chipmunk)
Cut out entirely
2. You Forget to Breathe
Nerves often make people hold their breath or take tiny chest breaths. But your voice needs airflow like a campfire needs oxygen. No air = squeaky, breathy, or mid-sentence deflation sounds.
3. Your Brain Is Too Busy Panicking
When your brain thinks you’re in danger, sentence construction drops way down on its priority list. The result? Words get tangled, come out in the wrong order, or refuse to show up entirely.
So yes, your body is sabotaging you. But here’s the part you’ll like…
The Good News: You Can Train Your Voice to Cooperate
To calm the fight-or-flight response, focus on techniques that activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which promotes relaxation. Deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, grounding exercises, and mindfulness practices can be effective. Additionally, engaging in physical activity, seeking social support, and practicing acceptance of the physical sensations associated with the response can help. Here are some voice therapist-approved tips to keep your voice steady even when your nerves are shaking you up:
✅ Breathe Low and Slow
Before you speak, exhale fully, then breathe in deeply through your nose so your belly—not your chest—rises. This helps relax your larynx and gives your voice the air it needs.
✅ Hydrate Like a Pro
Drink water throughout the day, not just before you speak. Dry vocal folds are cranky vocal folds. Water throughout the day keeps vocal folds smooth. (Coffee doesn’t count. Sorry.)
✅ Speak on the Exhale
Start talking as you breathe out—your voice will sound more grounded and steady. It sounds simple but it’s a game-changer for grounding your voice.
✅ Practice With a Script (and a Smile)
Write out your message before calling. Say it out loud a few times—not like a robot, but as if you’re telling a friend. Smiling actually relaxes your face and voice (and makes you sound friendlier).
It can also help to speak with a friend of someone who makes you comfortable before you have a harder call to loosen you up.
✅ 1,2, 3 ... Go
Don't over think it, “worrying means you suffer twice”. Its good to prepare and rehearse but don't spend to long on prep. Once you know you have prepared just do it. Make the call. If its a group presentation go first. If its a hard conversation do it early in the day. Anticipation is often worse then the event itself.
✅ Embrace the Weirdness
Your voice might still shake a little. That’s okay. People aren’t judging nearly as hard as your inner critic is.
Real-Life Example: The Voicemail Vortex
You need to call your child’s school and report an absence. You've rehearsed. You hit the voicemail. And then:
"Hi, this is... uhhh... um... my name is... (cough) their mom... sick... thank you."
Sound familiar?
Try this instead:
(deep breath) "Hi, this is Paige Turner, parent of Timmy. He’s out sick today with a cold. Thanks so much!"
Short. Kind. Clear. (And nobody exploded.)
Final Thoughts: The Cat’s Got Your Tongue, But You’re Still in Charge
Nerves are part of being human. Your voice is still yours, even when it gets a little squeaky or silent. With a few tools—and a little humor—you can speak up with more confidence and less croak.
And if you find your voice often disappears under pressure, a speech-language pathologist can help you build skills, confidence, and delivery strategies that stick—even when your nerves show up uninvited.
"If you're not making mistakes, then you're not doing anything." – John Wooden
Don't let fear of errors hold you back, you've got this! And if you want more tips and tricks or an experts help, we've got this.
Ready to take the wobble out of your voice? We are here to help.
📧 taylor.martin@confidenttherapies.com
What’s the weirdest voicemail you’ve ever left?
Share it in the comments—We’ll all be nice!
